i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
