there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
