I wish I could punch you in the face.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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