I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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