just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
