someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
