I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Drunk is not a location!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize