You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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