Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Randomize
