What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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