They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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