I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
