I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
