I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
