I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize