It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
