They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
