jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
