Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
