help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
