Non-Jews are for practice
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
