so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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