I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Is Oprah even human
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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