Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Randomize
