The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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