i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
soo... how was my night?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
