We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
