Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
