i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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