Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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