you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
