I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize