I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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