My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
