My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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