I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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