dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
