he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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