I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
