We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
