she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
