There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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