WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
That's intense
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
