my soul wont recognize me after tonight
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
