Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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