Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
