not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
