If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
