There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
