Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
