I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
