how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
