my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
