last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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