There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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