U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
