She said her name was "party"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
