are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
