hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Randomize
