I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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