1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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