hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize