I only kidnapped one of them. chill
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
