11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
