I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
